Were you ever surprised at how insecure your kid could be? Like, when other children tease your little boy or girl, do they get upset? Did you ever catch them trying to avoid going outside or making up the reasons why they shouldn’t go to school?
“Be careful what you say, your children are listening.”
The things you say shape your kid’s universe. Their personality, their set of beliefs, their defense mechanisms… it is influenced by the things you say to them and the way you behave around them.
So many adults use affirmations to overcome obstacles of poor self-esteem, insecurity, limiting and dysfunctional belief systems… Now just imagine that you didn’t have to deal with all these things today. Imagine that you didn’t wait this long, that you learned a healthy inner dialogue right from the start – how much simpler and happier your life would be today?
Let’s be kinder to our kids than our parents were to us!
Parents normally don’t want to damage their children, but most of them do it anyway, simply because they’re not focused as much as they could be on helping them grow to be healthy, happy adults. And it’s understandable, they’re focused on keeping them safe... but what the children need to know and hear is that they’re loved, wanted and appreciated – so let’s help them grow up feeling that way!
Below are the list of some things you should (like often), and things you shouldn’t (like never!) – say to your kids.
There’s a reason why ;)
8 Things Your Kid Really Doesn’t Need to Hear
There are more… a lot more, sadly, but these are some that many parents use without thinking.
“I hope you have a child just like you”
Are you aware of the message you’re sending to your kid with these words? Well it’s: You’re so awful and I hate raising you so much that I hope one day you will suffer the same way. To your own kid?
“Be a man”
Don’t turn your little boy into a stereotypical male who denies his emotions – he should learn to recognize his feelings and to express them, not to hide from them.
“Little girls don’t do that”
Why would you want to deny your child the opportunity to explore and learn something new? Why can’t she be a rocket scientist?
“Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?”
You’re telling your child they’re not good enough, a great way to undermine their self-confidence!
“Can’t you do anything right?”
“There’s nothing to be afraid of, just do it”
Telling your children not to be afraid isn’t going to change the fact that they are afraid. Ask them instead why they’re afraid and then try to deal with what causes this fear.
“I hate my body /my job / my (insert something really important)”
If you constantly criticize and complain about an important area of your life, your kid will learn to do the same – to adopt that they should never be happy about anything in their life, and that complaining is the way to deal with things. They will learn to focus on the bad things, and probably easily overlook the good ones. And guess where this will lead later on?
“OK, I’ll do it”
This isn’t the right way to help your kid – if you always do things for him/her, they’ll never learn to do them by themselves. It’s that simple.
15 Things Your Kid Needs to Hear as Often as Possible
Well, you can phrase them any way you want, but your kid simply has to know these things:
“You are wonderful”
I admire you not only because of what you do, but because of who you are. There’s no one like you in the whole wide world, no one!
”I love you so much”
There’s nothing that could stop me from loving you. Nothing you could ever do, say or think could ever change that.
“It’s OK to cry”
Everyone cries, even the adults. Me too, I also cry sometimes.
“Everyone makes mistakes”
You made a mistake, but everyone does it, even me. I know you’re sorry about it. Let’s see what we can do about it now.
“You did the right thing”
That wasn’t easy and you’ve still done it, I’m so proud of you. You should be proud of yourself too!
“I am sorry”
Forgive me. Moms and dads make mistakes too.
“You can change your mind if you want”
It’s OK to make a decision, but it’s also perfectly fine to change it.
“I have a surprise for you!”
It’s not your birthday, but I still have a surprise for you – a small one, but nevertheless, and it’s for you.
“What would you like to do?”
It’s your turn to choose now. Your ideas are amazing, and you should do what interests you.
Tell me more about it. I’d like to hear more, I’m listening carefully.
“I am here”
I won’t go anywhere without saying goodbye to you, never. You're safe with me.
“I missed you so much”
I think about you a lot when I’m not with you. You are important to me.
Just a little bit, and maybe you’ll like it. I’m here if you need me, I’ll help you, but I think you can do that.
“You can do anything you set your mind to”
There are no limits to what you can achieve in this world.
“Your smile lights up my whole day”
I love to hear you laugh, I love to see you happy, it makes me happy and blessed.
And, of course...
You Is Kind, You Is Smart, You Is Important